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The Sound of Longing (7 fix)

To have a 7 fix is the most beautiful blessing, and the most frustrating curse. It feels like skipping in the sky … each idea a star I’m trying to reach up and grab… and every time I think I’ve grasped it, the star explodes into 1 million other tiny ideas and I don’t know which direction to go to try to gather the particles. Some forever fly away into the galaxy never to be uncovered, and I long for them. You cannot know the mourning that exists for every particle of stardust that blew away into the ether. Every unexplored speck which escaped my feeble grasp.  Each particle that remains in my hand, also explodes into 1 million tiny more… everything, instead of becoming distilled, becomes diluted, and each Epiphany leads to more particles; more particles; more. I can never grab them all. I can never actualize. I can only chase.

It is discovery that never discovers anything. It is discovery that is insatiable and desires to discover EVERYTHING all at once. You may have heard 7 described as shallow. Perhaps shallow is the result of this dissipation. Yet to have this kind of brain feels quite the opposite. It feels like the inability to rest one’s head on a pillow until every single star is caught and consumed. It feels like the never ending search for the one particle that will unlock all of the mysteries of the universe and yet it is averse to unlocking them because it does not want to stop star chasing.

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